Finding Joy in the Process
Why should you follow the world's expectations for your journey?
It feels as if it has taken me a lifetime to find joy in the process, to truly enjoy the journey.
It’s hard to savor the present when you grow up in a world that glorifies hustle and achievement. A world fixated on material possessions, monetary gain, and the quiet idolization of suffering.
The Weight of Early Expectations
My frustration with the process began as early as ten years old.
Growing up in New Orleans, I attended a private Catholic school—not because we were affluent, but because my parents wanted me to have a safer, better education than the public schools could offer. They chose a school near family who lived in one of the wealthiest areas, though we were lower-middle-class at best.
There isn’t one specific moment that defined my discomfort. It wasn’t about pants falling down in gym class or other clichés. It wasn’t even the words other kids said.
It was the way they made me feel. I was the “weird” kid, the one who didn’t have many friends and who took life way too seriously for my age.
Looking back, I now know I’m neurodivergent—though I didn’t understand that at the time.
I also didn’t have the material possessions or experiences the other kids did: lavish birthdays, exotic vacations, the latest clothes. Many of them seemed to float through life while I wrestled with a constant undercurrent of anxiety.
Chasing Success and Meaning
From a young age, I wanted my life to be extraordinary.
There was a chip on my shoulder, sure, but there was also genuine ambition.
I wanted to prove to everyone that I could be wildly successful while also doing something impactful. Even as a teenager, I sought meaning in life, though it was difficult to find.
I spent my early years feeling “less than.” From ages five to thirteen, I was consumed by feelings of inadequacy—our family’s lack of money, the things we couldn’t afford, the life I thought I was missing.
By the time I turned thirteen, those feelings shifted but didn’t subside. My teenage years were marked by intense self-awareness.
My dad, who had spent years in therapy, taught me it was okay to feel my emotions—even as a “man” (though I now know that’s not who I truly am).
He taught me it was okay to cry, to ask for help.
By fifteen, I was hyper self-aware, which sometimes felt like a curse. I could see who I wanted to be, but I didn’t have the autonomy or experience to make it happen.
I felt like a spectator in my own life, watching myself fall short of my intentions, over and over.
The Professional Struggle
This internal struggle carried into my professional life.
For years, I questioned if my finance career was a mistake. I never thoroughly enjoyed it. I wondered if I pursued it out of some subconscious need for stability or status—to have a respectable job, a nice car, an expensive house.
I often tried to force my life in a particular direction, and every deviation felt like a failure. I was miserable.
And the irony? Despite all my efforts, I still didn’t achieve the success I thought I wanted.
Layered on top of this was my deeper desire for meaning and impact.
Even as a teenager, I had a strong sense that I was meant to do something bigger, something that mattered.
I wrestled with questions about life’s purpose—questions most people don’t have answers to. These existential questions complicated my journey even further.
Redefining Everything
Last year, something shifted.
One of the most profound gifts of realizing I’m transgender has been the opportunity to question everything I’ve ever known.
At first, it was terrifying. But as I began to redefine myself, I realized I could redefine everything else, too.
I wasn’t bound by gender norms, societal expectations, or anyone else’s rules. It was like becoming a teenager all over again, but this time questioning the entire world—not just my family or upbringing.
So that’s what I did. I questioned everything.
My life up to that point had been so miserable that I knew something had to change.
I figured, if I’m in the process of rediscovering myself, why not question everything I’ve ever believed? If most of it hadn’t made me happy, what did I have to lose?
This process of questioning was both terrifying and freeing.
It taught me to enjoy the journey because, for the first time, it was my journey—not one dictated by societal or familial expectations. My journey isn’t my mom’s or my boss’s. It isn’t defined by cultural norms or external validation.
Their expectations won’t lead me to self-love or fulfillment. Only my own truth can do that.
Letting Go of Traditional Success
Today, my life doesn’t look traditionally successful.
My business isn’t wildly profitable. I’m not a best-selling author. My finance career didn’t pan out as I hoped. I’m divorced. I’m still renting.
On paper, my life lacks all the markers of success I used to chase.
And yet, I’m grateful.
I’m grateful because the lack of traditional success forced me to dig deeper. It pushed me to question what success truly means and to create my own definition.
If my twenties had gone differently, I might never have reached this point.
Why I Share This With You
I share this with you because I care. Truly.
Even if we’ve never met, I want you to know that you deserve an amazing life. You deserve to love yourself, to define your own meaning, and to pursue your own version of success.
I’ve seen what happens when people can’t find that love or meaning within themselves.
My dad, despite his best efforts to teach me self-worth, struggled to find it for himself. Watching him give me the tools for a better life while not believing he deserved one broke my heart.
I hope my story can make a difference for you.
Because no one deserves to be trapped by the expectations of who or what they’re “supposed” to be.
Everyone deserves the freedom to live authentically.
Take the Leap
I encourage you: ask the hard questions. Do the inner work. Redefine your life on your own terms.
When I began this process last year, I couldn’t have imagined the happiness I feel today. But I knew I wouldn’t regret the effort.
I had already hit rock bottom—there was nowhere to go but up.
So, why not take the leap?
If you enjoy my writing please consider subscribing. By becoming a paid subscriber you are helping me to create more impact so that others can also find their path to living authentically.
With Love,
Sabrina
Thank you again for investing in your own authenticity. I am so grateful to be on this journey with you.
